Pursuing Passions or Wasting Time?

“. . . Thinking is not wasted time. There are some obvious time wasters, such as licentious living, drunkenness, adultery, all the things Paul warns us about. A more subtle time waster is being bored. Jesus was never bored. If we allow our “high creativity” to remain alive, we will never be bored. We can pray standing in line at the supermarket. Or we can be lost in awe at all the people around us, their lives full of glory and tragedy, and suddenly we will have the beginnings of a painting, a story, a song. . .

“Kairos. Real time. God’s time. That time which breaks through chronos with a shock of joy, that time we do not recognize while we are experiencing it, but only afterwards, because kairos has nothing to do with chronological time. In kairos we are completely unselfconscious and yet paradoxically far more real than we can ever be when we are constantly checking our watches for chronological time. The saint in comtemplation, lost (discovered) to self in the mind of God is in kairos.The artist at work is in kairos. . . In kairos we become what we are called to be as human beings, co-creators with God, touching on the wonder of creation. This calling should not be limited to artists—or saints—but it is a fearful calling. Mana, taboo. It can destroy as well as bring into being.” Madeleine L’Engle Walking on Water

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“Okay, God,” said the author of this blog. “I am paying attention. Everything that comes across my field of vision these days is an admonition on using my time wisely, redeeming my time, not wasting my time, and being accountable for my time. I get it!”

But do I get it? It seems I’m a slow learner. As often as I’m running across this theme I am also asking forgiveness for failing in this endeavor once again. *sigh* The good news is that the Lord is a patient teacher. He isn’t cynical. He gently prods and reminds and brings me back to the point. And He’s always “faithful and just to forgive [my] sins,” when I confess (1 John 1:9).

This writing gig has become an important part of my life and consumes large quantities of time. And I love it. And sometimes that makes me feel guilty. I would rather write than clean house, do laundry, and weed the flowerbed. Well, maybe that’s a bad example. There are a lot of things I would prefer over housework.

My point is this: I tend to feel guilty about how much I love to get lost in my work-in-progress. There are days when the muse is loose and the Tethered World from my novel is unfolding through my fingertips faster than I can type. The Trolls are being nasty and the Gnomes are using their stealth skills to rescue the Larcen family from their latest peril.

After a couple of hours, when I bother to look at the time, I’m shocked to find five or six hours have been swallowed up in what felt like two. Oops! You’d think I wouldn’t continue to be surprised when this happens, but it is truly like a time warp and feels surreal. I had a gratifying “Aha!” moment when I read this quote from ML’E. “Kairos. Real time.” That’s what I’m experiencing.

Kairos.

For clarity’s sake, here’s a definition from Wikipedia: “Kairos (καιρός) is an ancient Greek word meaning the right or opportune moment (the supreme moment). The ancient Greeks had two words for time, chronos and kairos. While the former refers to chronological or sequential time, the latter signifies a time lapse, a moment of indeterminate time in which everything happens.”

A ‘time lapse’ . . . hee, hee, hee. Yep. That’s definitely what happens when I work on my story. (I cannot say the same for keeping up with this blog. It is more of an effort, but I do hope that improves with discipline). It causes such a natural high to be caught up in that “supreme moment” when “everything happens.” It’s nice to know there’s actually a word to describe such an event, even though it isn’t in English.

So! Should I stop feeling guilty? Well, yes and no. To be honest, I can use writing as an escape from daily duties. This isn’t healthy or right. When I neglect my family (including cleaning the house that they all live in), I am crossing a line from using my gifts to glorify God to using them as an excuse to avoid my God-given responsibilities. Conviction is a healthy tool of the Holy Spirit. I shouldn’t be able to shrug off my obligations so I can create my own narcissistic reality. In this instance, my guilt is justifiable.

But should I feel guilty for the sheer joy I receive from writing? It’s not as if I’m authoring Bible devotionals or writing books to save a troubled marriages. Leprechauns and Elves are not deep, spiritual subjects. Is the pleasure I get from writing about such things misplaced?

Honestly, I’ve struggled with that line of thought. Perhaps I’m being shallow and foolish to pursue such a career. Could God actually have called me to make up alternate realities about mythical creatures? 

Do I think God called Lewis and Tolkien to write their alternate realities? Well, DUH! (Said to self. You probably already knew and believed that). Their timeless stories have impacted several generations and have enhanced many relationships between God and man. And—look at that!—we use words like “timeless” to describe things that endure. Coincidence? I think not 😉

But I’m definitely not in the league of either of these men, so now what? Now it’s easy to go back to doubting what I’m doing. Now it’s easy to feel guilty for chasing an unrealistic fantasy. Now it’s easy to listen to the voice of condemnation.

Though God continues to remind me of this theme of a “wise use of my time”, He has also been gracious to give me certain assurances of His call on my life as a writer. From a series of teachings at a retreat, to ML’E’s inspiration, I’ve been brought back to the fact that operating in our God-given passions makes us oblivious to time. When we get in a groove with God, whether that’s while leading a Bible study or writing fantasy, we step into that beautiful, “supreme moment.” We get connected to our Creator and are given a taste of another dimension. One that seems to exist outside of time.

So, while I do believe the Lord has been impressing on me to use my time wisely and to “number my days.” I see His lovingkindness in His reminder that I have begun to use one of the gifts He’s given me in the way He wants me to use it (yes, writing about Nephilum and Dwarves).

He is the ultimate storyteller, is He not? Should I really be surprised that God would continue to inspire His children towards writing down adventures that reflect His greatness to the world? I am so glad, so excited, and so thankful to come to a point in which I can embrace the title of “fantasy writer.”

Have you welcomed your passions as part of your purpose? What gives you those “supreme moments” in your life? I would love to hear how you’ve come round to accepting your calling, whatever that may be. What kind of struggles did you have to get to that point? Maybe you are still on this journey, like me, of figuring out how to balance your passions and your commitments. Let’s all be encouraged to understand “real time.” 

In Christ, when it’s real, it’s also eternal.